U.S.—The country's long-lost faith in the everlasting goodness and love of God has been miraculously restored overnight, as the nation woke up to discover that baseball season had arrived at last.
After a long, dark period of doubt in which Americans had to endure football and basketball and pretend to understand that weird Canadian game with the flat ball on the ice, Major League Baseball's latest season returned, dispelling the nation's fear that God had abandoned them forever.
"This is irrefutable proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy," said one man as he prepared to walk into the stadium to see the Angels play the A's Thursday afternoon. "I've never been much of a religious guy, but now I know for sure that there is a good, loving God in heaven who pours out His common grace on the just and the unjust alike."
"Praise God from whom all baseball flows," he added.
The nation has also developed a passion for missions, praying that other countries like Great Britain would repent of their bizarre cricket game and come to love God's favorite sport.
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