FORT PAUL, TX—According to sources at Life Baptist Church, "total nerd" Jake Peters was automatically assigned to the church's tech ministry upon joining the church.
He was chosen to run sound and slides shortly after becoming a church member. His basic qualification appears to be that he knows a lot about Star Wars and seems to be one of those "geeky guys" who talk about Battlestar Galactica and watch Star Trek unironically.
"Hey, you look like you'd be pretty good at tech," said Pastor Bob upon first meeting Jake, who just recently joined the church, as he was wearing a Star Wars shirt he bought at Target. "Let's get you on the soundboard." The very next week, Peters was given the reins to controlling the church's sound, video, tech, slides, and lighting.
"They took one look at me and said I'd be serving in the sound booth," he told reporters, shrugging, as he fiddled with a dial of unknown purpose. "I've never, like, actually used a soundboard before, but it can't be that hard. It's like playing a video game. You get points for adding gain, treble. Maybe some bass. And these sliders here, they have something to do with the volume."
"It's not that different from the Death Star control room, honestly."
The church is praying for Peters to get some friends soon so they can fill out the team.
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