SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A hot new Silicon Valley startup allows you to send someone to loot stores in San Francisco and other Democrat-controlled cities with no laws against looting. You can loot from the comfort of your home with just a few simple steps on the app.
"Want to loot a bunch of stuff from Walgreens, but don't want to turn off your Netflix show? Try LootDash!" said LootDash CEO Dirk Hendersen. "Our professional LootDashers are ready and waiting to go steal some stuff from whatever stores you want. Just remember to be generous with your tips!"
LootDash offers a full selection of stores, from pharmacies and big-box retailers to local mom-and-pop businesses. You can even sort the results by race so you know you're looting a white-owned store and not harming a black-owned business with your LootDash order.
"Want us to bust into Best Buy and get a few Xbox Ones? No problem! Just put in your LootDash order and you'll have your pallet full of Xbox systems in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed!"
LootDash charges a small delivery fee for each looting run, but you can sign up for LootPass to waive delivery fees on hauls of a certain dollar value or higher.