NEW YORK, NY—Zondervan Bibles has just announced the release of the NIV Partisan Bible, an innovative new Bible design featuring a fully removable portion of Romans 13 for when you really don’t like the new President of the United States of America.
According to Zondervan’s press release, Romans 13:1-7 will easily separate and lift right out of the pages of Scripture using their patented Pick-and-Lift® technology, handy for when you don't like the president. The reader can then study and meditate upon Romans 12 and immediately take their devotions right to Romans 13:8 without skipping a beat. You can store the passage in a handy pouch right on the back of the Bible, so you can put it back in when a guy you like gets elected.
In addition to the removable Romans 13, which seems to clearly and unequivocally state that Christians are to obey the sword-bearing governing authorities that have been sent by God to punish evil and reward good, the NIV Partisan Bible will allow the reader to excise similar sections of the New Testament like those found in 1 Peter 2:13-17, which tells believers to “submit to every human authority, whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, or to governors as sent by him."
Another verse Zondervan took care of in the NIV Partisan Bible was Titus 3:1. They had to get creative since the verse in Titus is brief, so they came up with a nifty pull-tab like you see in many children’s board books that will completely and neatly cover the statement, “Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good” and let you be on your way through the rest of Titus.
“Submit to an emperor like Nero?” sneered one Bible reviewer as he demonstrated in a review video how you can rip out that portion of 1 Peter 2 and still neatly preserve the immediate text around it in the NIV Partisan Bible. “That doesn’t sound very American. I, for one, will not bow down to Sleepy Joe or Comrade Harris!”
With the timing of this release, Zondervan believes this new Bible will be immediately popular with one down-and-out group of Christians, but if they wait 4 more years, it will soon be in every house in America.