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New Missionary Dating App Will Pair You With A Hot Unbeliever To Convert

PALO ALTO, CA—A new missionary dating app has been launched by a startup company in Silicon Valley. 

The app, called Witness & Chill, promises to pair Christian users with a hot unbeliever they can date and then convert to belief in Christ.

"It seemed like the right move for single Christians and the Kingdom of God," a representative for the company said in a video. "Christians can find a hot date and then slowly, gradually try to get them to come to church and believe in Jesus."

"What could go wrong?"

The dating service's new feature includes a set of filters allowing would-be suitors to choose what kind of unbeliever they'd like to date and very slowly bring into the kingdom of God. You can filter potential mates by location, theological hangups, sins, religion, and hotness level.

"I really wanted to missionary date, but I couldn't find the unbeliever with the right mix of sinful desires and blatant hatred of Jesus," one woman wrote in a recent online review of the app. "But after using Witness & Chill, I was able to begin dating a nice Buddhist young man. Thanks, Witness & Chill!" The reviewer went on to state she still hadn't converted the man, but she was hoping to be able to introduce the gospel sometime in the next ten to fifteen years.

Witness & Chill is also reportedly offering a 100% satisfaction guarantee, promising Christian users that they'll find the perfect heathen to be unequally yoked with, or the developers will provide a full refund.

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