SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Thanks to newly released security cam footage from eSalon in San Francisco, it now appears Nancy Pelosi was the innocent victim of an evil plot to make her look bad. In the footage, salon owner Erica Kious is seen luring in a completely unsuspecting Nancy Pelosi using a pint of her favorite ice cream as bait.
Witnesses say they saw Kious peeking out her front door as Nancy Pelosi very innocently walked by during a morning stroll. Then, as Pelosi walked by, the Speaker of the House noticed a Jeni's ice cream pint hanging on a fish hook.
"Heeey Miss Pelosi Ma'am, look what I got for ya! Your favorite ice-cream!" said the devilishly deceptive trickster. "Why don't you just step in here and relax and enjoy some ice cream? Come on! You deserve it!"
Speaker Pelosi cheerfully skipped toward the front door of the salon, being careful to avoid all the human poop littering the sidewalk.
"Come right in!" said Kious. "I promise no harm will come to you!"
Pelosi crossed the threshold of the salon, not realizing she was walking into a horrible trap. The salon door slammed shut and Kious laughed wickedly.
"BWAAA HA HA HA HAAA! You fool! You have entered a salon which is closed by the order of Gavin Newsom! You are on video! You will now look really really bad in the media! HAHA HAHA HAAAA!"
Pelosi is now having legislation drafted in the House of Representatives that will outlaw all small businesses owned by people named Erica Kious.