ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIA—Noah has been criticized heavily by journalists for a lack of social distancing on the ark that he built in order to save humanity.
Reporters say that while saving humanity is probably OK, Noah's lack of social distancing protocols or any kind of sanitation means he really wants grandma to die.
"And is he checking vaccination records for those who board? Very concerning," said one MSNBC reporter on the scene as the floodgates of the deep burst forth behind her. "No masks, very little social distancing here. Basically nobody paying attention to local health orders. He really should have stayed home and stayed saaaaaaafe!" She was swept away by the waters, though she was reportedly proud of herself for lecturing Noah on social distancing up until the moment of her death.
CNN also criticized him for preserving evil humanity, an aggressor against Mother Nature.