Hey fam, hope things are going well down there. It’s me, David, King of Israel, the one through whom God promised a Messiah to save His people from their sins.
Well, I’ll cut right to it: just wanted to drop a brief note asking you people to stop comparing me to Donald Trump. I’ll grant that we’re both desperate sinners in need of the great forgiveness of a just and holy God. And I’ll grant that God can work through anyone He wants (including heathen kings and violent dictators), but that’s about where the similarities end.
It really seems strange to me that I have to explain why this comparison is just wrong. I mean, just take a look at how I approach my sin after my great moral failings: in one of my best-received singles, I ask the Lord to “have mercy on me,” not because I deserve it, but because of His “great compassion.” I tell God that “my sin is always before me” and that it is against Him alone that I’ve sinned, though I’m painfully aware of the people I’ve wronged in a temporal sense.
Everything Trump’s said seems to suggest he doesn’t want or think he needs God’s forgiveness at all. You see the issue here? You can’t possibly gloss over Trump’s moral failings and just say, “Well, King David screwed up pretty bad too, right?” It’s just not the same thing on any level.
And while we’re talking about it, it’s worth mentioning that I was the anointed king of God’s chosen people, while Trump is an elected president of America, which, to be frank, is not God’s chosen nation. You can’t really compare Israel to America in any meaningful sense, unless you’re just desperately searching for any reason to prop up an executive leader who might enact favorable policy for you from time to time.
OK, about out of time here—the heavenly host wants me to play the harp on a killer rendition of Psalm 46 we’ve been working on. But I’ll just leave one more thing for y’all to chew on: don’t defend Trump by saying you’re “electing a president, not a pastor,” and then act miffed when his lawyer’s office gets raided over hush money paid to an adult film star he cheated on his third wife with. Just saying.
Anyway, just please stop comparing me to Trump. That’d be great. Thanks.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.