SAINT PAUL, MN—With Democrats in control of Congress, Americans are looking forward to seeing their elected representatives put the needs of the American people first. Democrats have responded by pursuing the one thing every American affected by devastating lockdowns needs: another Trump impeachment.
According to experts, there are millions of struggling Americans-- many of whom are completely destitute-- wondering where their next Trump impeachment is coming from.
Local unemployed waitress and single mother Alissa Martins spoke to reporters, saying she is "very happy" about this development.
"I haven't made a dime in over 3 weeks," said the struggling young mother. "But I'm so glad Congress came through to provide the one thing that can sustain me through this difficult time: impeaching Trump again! Trump impeachment is the sustenance I need right now. I used to think food and shelter were essential, but now I realize that impeaching Trump is so much more important. Thank you, Nancy Pelosi!"
Democrats in Congress have announced many more crowd-pleasing impeachments of Trump in the future. Sources close to Nancy Pelosi say they will likely work to impeach Trump several times over the next two years.
"We are proud, so proud, to be doing the business of the American people once again!" said Pelosi. "I will not rest until every American can have three square Trump impeachments per day!"