TORONTO—Beloved kids' show Paw Patrol has come under fire for daring to have a police officer who is not scum, Chase the German Shepherd. Amid the controversy, production company Spin Master has agreed to remove Chase and replace him with a new pup: Karl the Antifa Rioter.
"If you see a store window that needs bashing in, just yelp for help!" says Commissar Ryder in every episode. "Karl is on the case! No innocent business too big, no commie too small!" Karl will patrol the town and help citizens by bashing in windows, lighting things on fire, and punching Nazis. If he can't find a Nazi, he'll just punch the nearest person.
Progressives praised the long-awaited change from a problematic police dog to a much more moral, upstanding communist canine. "Finally, I can let my kids watch this show," said Portland man Jayden Dollatino. "I mean, if I had kids. I won't because I love the planet."
"We hear the complaints loud and clear," said a representative for Spin Master and Nickelodeon. "It was never our intention to show toddlers that police officers might be good sometimes. We are so, so sorry."
"Karl is a great role model for your kids: he hates fascism and shows it by destroying things."
Unfortunately for Spin Master and Nickelodeon, progressives aren't big on forgiveness so they burnt down all their studios anyway.