LOS ANGELES, CA—With police departments being abolished and defunded, the LAPD has agreed to undergo intensive social justice slam poetry training. Expert slam poetry tacticians are being flown in from Portland, San Francisco, and Brooklyn to give the entire force an extensive curriculum of courses about utilizing slam poetry and social consciousness rather than racism and violence to keep peace. In addition, all of the teachers will teach using only slam poetry.
"They who screamed wailing calls to action from the gutter
their unheard voices bounce off the ears of the 1% in the highrise pigs oinkin' above 'em,
None of that wealth never trickle down the sewer pipes of capitalism
white picket fences protect the white putrid smiles in a varicose vein prison
Waving our message on bricks because paper nobody listen
Rubber bullets pop pop is the response just cause we clocked a pig for dis'n," one instructor explained in the introductory portion of one of the classes.
Mayor Garcetti says he is confident that with enough training police can patrol the streets without body armor or weapons. "Silence is violence, but so is pepper spray," Garcetti said. "Words are the greatest weapons these cops can have. Especially if they can make them flow real well." Garcetti said they could also throw bricks as long as they did it for the right reasons.
"I came off the block Glock cocked and shell shocked," said recent recruit Officer Mark Smith. "Eyes open, here's hopin', the ninety-nine percent be heard, word, this injustice is absurd."
Rhyme snipers, Slam-poet SWAT teams, and Socially Aware CSI teams are all planned as the classes continue.
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