PETA Criticizes King Darius For Not Feeding More Hebrews To 'Malnourished' Lions

NORFOLK, VA—PETA issued a statement Wednesday blasting King Darius the Mede for not feeding his “malnourished” lions more delicious Hebrews who refused to pray to him and instead stayed faithful to their God.

PETA reps applauded Darius for feeding a believer in the one true God to the beasts, but heavily criticized him for pulling Daniel out of the den once he was miraculously saved from slaughter.

“We were very disappointed to see that Darius repented of casting Daniel into the lions’ enclosure, and only replaced him with a few scraps of Babylonian advisors and their wives and children,” a PETA spokesperson said. “Those lions really needed a steady diet of Hebrews who refused to bow the knee. But the animal-hating, oppressive King Darius denied them their rightful meals.”

At publishing time, PETA had also begun slamming the four horsemen of the apocalypse for riding restrained horses as they bring tribulations upon all humanity.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.