NEW YORK, NY—Reports have indicated that Planned Parenthood staff have gone into hiding immediately following the President’s comments saying, “They’re literally killing people.”
“We’ve finally been exposed for the baby murderers we are! Even President Biden has realized the truth. Everybody SCRAM!” shouted Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson. “We knew that profiting off of the murder of innocents couldn’t last forever!”
Johnson continued while rushing to her car, “I think I should lay low for a while until all of this blows over and—oh what’s that? You mean Biden wasn’t referring to how we kill people and was instead talking about Facebook. Well, that’s a relief!”
“Whew! I thought we were toast. False alarm everyone! All it takes is enough people to come to their senses who realize the horrors we commit, and the stain we are upon America to do us in.” said Johnson. “In that case, let’s get back to it! Time to make some money.”
Planned Parenthood has said that this whole mixup has been a real eye-opener, and they are thankful that it showed them how easy it would be for them to be shut down. They have responded by doubling all Planned Parenthood facility construction efforts.