GREENSBURY, AZ—Local Catholic woman Gabriella Perez was getting ready to tell her friend about her Catholic faith Monday morning. Her friend had expressed her agnosticism over the existence of God, and Perez prepared to share some reasons for her faith.
Unfortunately, before Perez was able to give a reason for the hope that is in her, a lurking Pope Francis leaped out of a nearby shrubbery and slapped her across the face for attempting to proselytize.
"Bad Catholic!" Pope Francis cried as he unleashed a devastating open-handed slap. As Perez recovered, Francis continued his lecture, wagging his finger at the stunned woman. "You're not supposed to evangelize -- do you want people to feel uncomfortable or something? What if she has her own worldview that's no less valid than your own? You're gonna make Catholics look judgmental, which is utterly opposed to the God of the Bible who never judged anybody."
His work finished, the pope pressed a button on his utility belt, summoning the Popewing to fly overhead and pick him up to go lecture a priest for drinking out of a plastic straw.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.