U.S.—Fox has announced an exciting new program, The Dr. Trump Show, where the president dispenses medical advice and pontificates aloud on the intricacies of detailed medical issues.
Trump will take questions from callers and guests on what to do about their various medical ailments.
On the pilot episode, available to watch now on Hulu, Trump helped a woman with coronavirus symptoms. "What you want to do, in my opinion -- and keep in mind I'm not a doctor but I do play one on TV -- what you want to do is drink baking soda and vinegar. You'll explode like a volcano. The coronavirus comes right out, erupting everywhere. Plus, it'll look hilarious."
One man called in saying he had an upset stomach. A concerned Trump thought for a moment before responding, "Just have someone shout down your throat. Stomach bugs hate loud noises. Hate 'em. It'll come right out."
Trump's final guest had his arm fall off, and the audience watched in horror as Trump tried to duct-tape it back on. "That oughtta do it," he said as he sent the man away on a stretcher.
Near the end of the show, Trump gave his "one-minute update" where he tells everyone about his latest research into medicine. "Been experimenting on monkeys. That's been great, great research. They're all dead now, though. Anyone have any more monkeys?"
Other cures Trump touted during the hour-long program included the following:
- Don't have a birthday between June 21 and July 22 to avoid Cancer
- Set traps to avoid the invisible enemy: ninjas.
- Eat as many hamburgers as possible so there's no more room for viruses
- Stare at the sun for 10 minutes to burn out any vision problems
- Hold your breath to suffocate a virus
- Inject liberal tears into your bloodstream, "works on any ailment."
Some medical professionals criticized the show, though all agreed Trump's advice was better than that given by Dr. Oz.