TIGARD, OR—According to sources close to local progressive Xen Carson, the woman is really enjoying a recent TV show she discovered, a program she'll inevitably label as "hopelessly problematic" within five years' time.
"You know, this show is really funny and heartwarming, though I'm sure when my morals shift again in just a few years I'll find all of these jokes offensive," she said as she settled into her couch in order to binge yet another season Thursday. "That's why I've got to marathon this sucker fast, before it becomes politically unacceptable to laugh at all these great gags."
"This episode is on the trolley problem, which I'm sure I'll declare to be offensive to people who identify as trolleys when that becomes a thing not too far out in the future here," she said. "But for now this is a great episode."
She says the fact that progressive morals change so often is how you know they're absolutely true. "The show I'm watching right now will be condemned in just a few short years. See, we're so moral that we are more moral than the current year can possibly bear. I can't wait to label this show sexist, misogynist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, and probably even more phobics that we haven't even invented yet."
At publishing time, Carson was disappointed to find that the Huffington Post had already published a thinkpiece labeling the show as problematic last year, forcing her to instead stare at a blank wall for the rest of the afternoon.