Progressive Marks Herself Safe From Feelings Of Gratitude This Year
Worldviews

PORTLAND, OR—Local progressive woman Willow Xanderson has marked herself safe from feeling any kind of gratitude, thankfulness, or recognition that all good things in her life come from objective sources of goodness outside herself, sources confirmed.

As she sat alone at home, safe from harm, she marked herself safe from feelings of gratitude and thankfulness and celebrating any kind of Thanksgiving this year.

"Really, the only thing I'm thankful for is that I have so much to be righteously indignant about this year," she said. "Now that Biden won, of course, I won't have a president to blame my problems on. So I'll have to work on that for next year. But I'm sure I can come up with something."

"Honestly, I really hope the Republicans hold the Senate, so at least I'll have that to victimize myself with."

Xanderson came close to feeling gratitude when her mom texted her and said "I love you! Happy Thanksgiving!" but quickly pushed the feeling out of her mind and reminded herself that her mother voted for Trump.

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