SAN DIEGO, CA—Wow! These incredible parents are telling the whole world about their new baby, but without using harmful gendered language! According to sources, they are inviting all of their friends and family over and proudly hosting a ‘Will Our Child Menstruate Or Not’ reveal party.
“Before, parents would have hurtful 'gender reveal' parties where they would reveal the gender of the child before the child had a chance to choose for itself,” said expecting birthing-person-to-be Julie Schubert. “We are excited to reveal whether our human child is a menstruator or not!”
Upon arriving at their home, guests were encouraged to put on a sticker signifying that they guess the baby will one day be capable of menstruating or not. After everyone made their predictions, the guests gathered around to cut the cake and find out what the child would be. The Schuberts carefully took the knife and cut into the cake, revealing pink maxi pads. “It’s a menstruator!” everyone joyfully cried out as Mrs. Schubert teared up. “Oh, we are so happy, and our hearts are full!”
“While I was kinda hoping we would have a child that would not menstruate just like me, this is still incredible news!” said the father, Howard Schubert. “Good thing I bought all these gender-neutral toys so I don’t have to return anything.”
Howard did mention one thing he missed about the old, problematic gender reveal parties was how easy they were to say. “These new parties sure are a mouthful. It’s basically the same thing as a gender reveal, but with more steps,” said the frustrated father-to-be before being nudged by Mrs. Schubert. “Uh --but I mean it’s all worth it as long as we’re being inclusive!"