MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—A new patch developed by Silicon Valley startup OilDerm helps your loved ones wean off their essential oil addiction until they're finally free of their need to use essential oils, "like literally all the time."
OilDerm's patented PU system delivers that essential oil high directly to the bloodstream so that women who are addicted to sniffing essential oils are able to get their cravings met without making everyone else around them smell a potent mix of hundreds of different oils all day long.
"Our patches slowly pump women's bloodstreams full of the addicting stimulants essential oils give off, without the harmful side effects," said Harper Darling, founder of OilDerm.
Darling said he got the idea when his wife had to check into rehab for her essential oil addiction and he didn't know where to turn. "I knew we had to take action. She was buying oils off strange trenchcoat-laden people in alleys, she was getting her fix in the bathroom at clubs and bars. We didn't know what to do." So, along with a team of medical doctors whose wives were also addicted to essential oils, he came up with the OilDerm system.
According to the company, you can start off with high essential oil doses and then ease off over a period of weeks, until the point where your wife, girlfriend, or mother doesn't start shaking if she doesn't get her peppermint fix.
The patch also promises to cure your loved one's cravings to recruit you into their essential oil MLM.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.