LOS ANGELES, CA—In a recent November game against the Golden State Warriors, LeBron James casually walked up to Steph Curry, picked him up, and executed a flawless sideways piledriver right through the hardwood floor.
The refs watched the entire thing and failed to call a foul. They did, however, call a foul on Curry for getting too close to James.
"We're not sure what everyone's talking about," the referees said as they reviewed the footage later. "The other player is clearly the aggressor here, and we want a good, clean game of ball. Just because LeBron is famous doesn't mean other people can commit fouls on him all day long without repercussions."
After executing the piledriver, James casually picked up the ball, traveled all the way to the hoop without dribbling a single time, climbed up on the shoulders of two more Warriors, and placed the ball in the hoop. He was awarded two free throws as the players didn't offer him enough assistance in his climb.
At publishing time, James had murdered another player in cold blood and been awarded possession.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.