WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congressional proceedings were interrupted this morning as Rep. Dan Crenshaw of Texas crashed through the roof of the Capitol Building wielding an axe forged in the heart of a dying star.
Crenshaw was reportedly fed up with the political process and the increasingly deranged antics of the left and decided it was time to bring some "tough love and also some thunder" to Washington. He had hitched a ride to Nidavellir on a U.S. Space Force transport and had a dwarf who looked suspiciously like Peter Dinklage forge him "the ultimate weapon to crush socialism and the left."
"ARRRRRR!!!" shouted Crenshaw as he busted through the roof. "It's time to own some socialists and conquer the universe for America! By Odin's beard!"
He then slammed into the floor much sooner than he thought because, you know, the lack of depth perception.
Crenshaw chucked his axe at Nancy Pelosi but missed (again, the depth perception). She smiled and said, "You should have gone for the head," according to witnesses.
The representative was formally reprimanded for his lack of couth and banished to Sakaar.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.