U.S.—In a breaking news report, we have learned that something really tragic has just happened. We're not sure what it is, but Kamala Harris was just seen laughing hysterically, so we're going to go ahead and assume it was something extremely tragic that would cause most non-sociopaths to grow somber and weep. But for Harris, stuff like this just makes her cackle, so based on the level and intensity of her cackling, we're gonna guess there was much loss of life, pain, and suffering involved with whatever happened.
Experts believe you can even gauge the seriousness of a tragedy with how hard Kamala laughs.
"Yeah, so if she just gives a little smirk or a chuckle, it's probably some parents of truant kids getting arrested or someone getting held for prison labor," said Kamala laugh analyst Dr. Jody Benson. "If she gives a medium chuckle, we're probably talking about the border crisis, the housing crisis, the economy tanking, inflation, gas prices, stuff like that."
"If Harris ever gives one of her blood-curdling, shrill cackles, it's time to head for your bugout property, because we're talking nuclear war," she added. "This last one measured 7.2 on the Kamala scale, so something awful is happening for sure."
At publishing time, we were able to confirm that Biden has begun shouting at a reporter, only confirming our worst fears that Kamala's laugh was related to something extremely tragic.