WASHINGTON, D.C.—On Tuesday, it was announced that Robert Mueller’s report regarding possible collusion between President Donald Trump and Russia will be made available the day before the 2020 presidential election.
"My team has spoken with every person of interest, reviewed all the relevant information, and we will be finalizing the report over the next 699 days," Mueller stated during a televised interview with NBC’s Todd Foley following the announcement.
When asked why the finalization process would take so long, Mueller’s eyes took on a distant look. He then began to smear white makeup across his face, and draw a crimson smile that stretched from ear to ear.
Foley asked again. As a flicker of light came back into Mueller’s far away eyes, he slowly turned his head toward the veteran journalist, and said: "Some people simply want to watch the world burn."
The interview concluded, and Mueller sauntered out of the studio.
With 699 days until the report is released, Democrats might have to find another issue on which to campaign in 2020.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.