Rittenhouse, Sandmann Agree To Share Joint Custody Of CNN
U.S.

ATLANTA, GA—With Rittenhouse found "not guilty", media outlets across the country are preparing for costly defamation lawsuits after a year of calling him a white supremacist.

With CNN already half-owned by Nick Sandmann, the famous fake news organization will soon be giving the other half of its ownership over to Kyle Rittenhouse. The two have agreed to share joint custody. 

"We would like to announce that our clients have come to an agreement to share custody of CNN," said Sandman and Rittenhouse's legal teams. "Sandmann will have custody on weekdays, with custody transferring over to Rittenhouse on holidays and weekends." 

After the announcement, Rittenhouse began weeping upon realizing he was now a multimillionaire, while Sandmann smirked like a big MAGA hat-wearing jerkface.

Neither party has decided what to do with Brian Stelter, who may have to be put up for adoption. 


What’s with people who hate the greatest holiday of the year? The real truth of the anti-Thanksgiving movement is revealed in this video.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
There are 184 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.