NASHVILLE, TN—Slurring his words while repeatedly barking at servers to “turn on some Merle,” Russell Moore, the now-former president of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, was spotted by numerous sources at a Nashville-area bar early Monday afternoon, hours after being exposed by Donald Trump as a “terrible representative of Evangelicals” and a “nasty guy with no heart” in a Twitter bombshell.
In the wake of the damning revelation, Moore was immediately fired and disavowed by the ERLC, which released a statement condemning Moore’s “nastiness” and “heartlessness,” claiming that he had misled the ERLC, SBC, and countless faithful Christians nationwide by acting as though he were a kind, thoughtful, godly Christian leader who cared deeply for people and lived a life above reproach—all of which was proven wrong by Trump in one tweet.
Sources at the bar confirmed Moore was alternately crying and laughing while throwing back shots of the cheapest whiskey the establishment had available as quickly as they would bring them, chasing them down with numerous “really big beers” and repeatedly attempting to light cigarettes in the establishment which does not allow smoking.
At publishing time, Moore was belligerently improvising a song he called “The Nasty Guy With No Heart Blues” to anyone who would listen.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.