WORLD—Authorities in the scientific community who touted faulty COVID-19 models are "pretty confident" they know what the weather is going to be like in 100 years, sources confirmed Wednesday.
"Yes, we were off by a factor of about 1 billion in our predictions for what happened over the last few months, but trust us: we know exactly what the climate is going to be like in a century," said leading scientific authority Dr. Garth Wendybrook at a press conference. "See, I have this lab coat and this Bunsen burner here." At this point, he gestured toward a Bunsen burner sitting on the table in front of him, but he accidentally caught his sleeve on fire. "Fire hot! Fire hot!" the scientist cried before diving in a nearby vat of acid to put it out.
Post-press-conference analysis indicated his observations were correct, and the fire was hot.
The scientists say they have settled on a climate model that confirms the earth's average temperature will be either 1 million degrees Celsius or below freezing, give or take 1 million degrees.