Seattle Disbands Police, Replaces With New Organization 'People Offering Little Insulation From Community Evils,' Or P.O.L.I.C.E. For Short

SEATTLE, WA—Seattle has disbanded its police department and replaced it with an exciting new community-driven organization called People Offering Little Insulation from Community Evils, or "P.O.L.I.C.E." for short.

"This is an exciting new chapter in the history of humanity," Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan said as she unveiled the organization's new name. "We have finally freed ourselves from the oppressive police. In their place, we will have P.O.L.I.C.E."

The new group will be armed with some kind of implements to give them an advantage against bad guys in a fight, such as a stick or firearm. They will need to be easily identified, of course, so they will wear dark blue uniforms with distinctive patches or badges in prominent places such as their sleeves or front shirt pocket. Finally, they will get special cars that can flash bright lights and play loud sounds to let people know that help is on the way.

"We're going to name them 'sirens' after the Greek myth," said Durkan. "Only these sirens will signal that your community protection agent is close by to keep you safe."

Seattle is still working on the motto of P.O.L.I.C.E. A current frontrunner is "To defend and provide service."

Babylon Bee subscriber Dan Dillon contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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