WASHINGTON, D.C.—All Republican members of the United States Senate have been placed on official lockdown after known murderers publicly made ominous threats of violence against them.
The group of murderous terrorists, Planned Parenthood, posted on Twitter, "Roses are red / Violets are blue / Senators vote NO on Kavanaugh / Or else we're coming for you."
"We are taking this threat very seriously, considering the organization is known to murder hundreds each and every day," said a Secret Service official. "We receive threats all the time, but we have to gauge how serious they are based on whether or not they come from credible sources. This source is very credible. They have killed people, are killing people as we speak and will kill people again. So we can't take this lightly."
Conservative senators were instructed to stay far away from windows and barricade themselves in their offices, and be on the lookout for anyone wearing a Planned Parenthood T-shirt or pink hat resembling genitals.
"This group seems to prefer killing with sharp instruments, deadly chemicals, and tiny vacuum cleaners inside doctor's offices, but you never know," said the official. "When their existence is threatened by a potential conservative majority on the Supreme Court, there's no telling how they might lash out."