U.S.—As Sony seems to have taken back the rights to produce Spider-Man films, ending Tom Holland's run as the heroic web-slinger, the movie studio promised it would be giving every single person on the planet the chance to play Spider-Man at some point in the future.
Sony unveiled its plan to produce 330,000,000 new Spider-Man films, one for each person in the country so that everyone can see what it's like to the friendly neighborhood arachnid.
"Just when I was worried we would have the same Spider-Man for more than a few films, Sony and Disney seem to have solved that problem for us," said one woman as she ripped down the Tom Holland Spider-Man poster she has on her wall. "I really can't wait for my turn." She admitted however that she wants Keanu Reeves to get his chance before she does.
Critics praised Hollywood's creative efforts to ensure that we get as many Spider-Man reboots than there are people in the nation.
"Thanks to the creative minds in Hollywood, we can enjoy a different Spider-Man every fifteen seconds, just as Stan Lee would have wanted," said one critic who writes for Serious Spider-Man fans, a Wordpress blog. "I'm looking forward to seeing my next-door neighbor Bob's take on the character, but to be honest, it's Steve Buscemi's Spider-Man trilogy that will complete me."
Sadly, Sony has warned the nation that it will soon run out of people to play Spider-Man and will be forced to retire the character after all 330 million people in the nation have had their turn at playing the character.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.