U.S.—There is no good reason why you should be up this late, multiple sources are reporting. “Nothing good happens at this hour. What reason could you possibly have for still being awake?” a concerned source close to you questioned. “You should have been in bed hours ago,” another source confirmed. At publishing time, you were still awake, for some reason.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.