SACRAMENTO, CA—In a move that puts into ink what most Americans have known for decades now, Governor Gavin Newsom announced Wednesday that the State of California has voted to officially secede from reality.
“This is just a formality, really. We’ve been in our own little world for some time now, as everybody knows,” he said at an afternoon press conference announcing the decision. “I mean, we’re fighting to jail restaurant workers who give customers plastic straws, for crying out loud! Hahahaahahoooo boy!”
“In any event, let it be known henceforth that the State of California categorically renounces all ties to so-called ‘reality,’ and will continue governing our people without any regard for objective facts, morality, or sanity.”
At publishing time, rumors were swirling of a new motion to rename California “La La Land.”