U.S.—According to a new CDC study, 30% of Americans who have received the vaccine plan to spend the rest of their earthly lives hiding in their basements just in case the vaccine doesn't work.
"The most important thing is for all of us to stay safe," said Cander Roybie, who has received all three versions of the vaccine. "Dr. Fauci said there may be a chance the vaccine won't stop all forms of the virus, so I think the best thing I can do is stay here."
Roybie told reporters he has resigned himself to hiding in his damp, dark basement with his friend Marley, living off of food orders from DoorDash until they die.
"It's a good life, a really good life. This is a good thing," he said. "As long as there's any chance of death by virus still existing in the world, we're staying put!"
Unfortunately, he had to venture upstairs 5 minutes later to reset his Wi-Fi router. There is currently no word on his condition.