Home > Worldviews > Study: Calvinists Comprised Of 72% Craft Beer
Worldviews Study
Study: Calvinists Comprised Of 72% Craft Beer

STANFORD, CA—A new study, performed by researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine, indicates that the Calvinist body is comprised of up to 72% craft beer.

The study found that high-quality microbrews most often begin coursing through a person’s veins while encountering a Kevin DeYoung, Paul Washer, or R. C. Sproul sermon for the first time, or else while reading through the book of Romans, “usually around Chapter 9 or so.”

“The second a person believes and receives the doctrines of grace, every ounce of blood and water in his body miraculously transforms into a zesty, hoppy IPA or a smooth, dark stout,” a university research intern said Monday. “It’s remarkable evidence of how God pours out His sovereign love on His people, much like how you or I would expertly pour a craft beer to form a perfect 1-inch-thick head of foam.”

The study also confirmed that Baptists are comprised of 72% Welch’s grape juice.

Readers of the Bee,

If you value The Babylon Bee and want to see us prevail against Snopes and anyone else who might seek to discredit or deplatform us, please consider becoming a subscriber. Your support really will make a difference.