WORLD—A recent research study found a strong correlation between being a suicide bomber and going to a place of physical and spiritual torment forever.
The study examined the afterlives of hundreds of suicide bombers over the past several decades, and found “undeniable” evidence that blowing oneself up with the intent to injure, harm, and kill others in the vicinity is highly detrimental to one’s eternal fate.
“Science has spoken: strapping on a bomb vest, or piloting a vehicle filled with explosives, in order to slaughter helpless bystanders greatly increases your risk of going to hell when you die,” a research representative said. “In fact, we found a 100% correlation between blowing oneself up in the middle of a crowded area and going straight to a place of eternal torment.”
The study also found other factors instrumental in the suicide bombers’ eternal destiny, such as their hatred for God and complete lack of faith in Jesus Christ.
The research report advised that those wishing to not burn in hell for eternity avoid walking into a public place and killing dozens of innocent people for any reason, and further found that trusting in Christ alone for one’s salvation was a “guaranteed” method of going to heaven, rather than hell.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.