Inflation isn't happening. Inflation is happening, but it's within norms.
Inflation is happening, and it's a good thing.
This Thanksgiving, as we celebrate together under the rule of President Biden, may he live forever, we might have to cut back on a few things to survive hyperinflation. That's OK, though. We're resourceful Americans. Here are nine easy ways to cut back on Turkey Day this year:
1. Swap out that delicious turkey for a good ol' can o' Spam. Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!
2. If you're low on funds, use that 16 cents you saved on July 4. Time to open up the ol' July 4 coffers and splurge a little. Treat yourself!
3. Just imagine there's food on your table like the Lost Boys in Hook. And then, you can have an awesome pretend food fight! Foooooood fiiiiiiight!!!
4. Go open one of your giant expensive freezers and get a $12 pint of gourmet ice cream. Let them eat rainbow sherbet!
5. Go back in time and exchange your fiat currency for crypto. It's inflation-proof, and bitcoin is worth
$63,692.20 $24,652.41 $76,591.03 each!
6. Go back in time and change your Biden vote to a vote for Trump. If only, if only...
7. Uninvite your in-laws. Sacrifices have to be made.
8. Why not try eating the hobbits' legs—they're fresh! They don't need their legs. Much better than eating maggoty bread for three stinkin' days. Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!
9. If all else fails, it's time to sell that Charizard card that's been in your parents' attic since you went off to college. Look, none of us likes saying goodbye, but it's time.
How are you fighting inflation this year? Let us know in the comments, unless you're a poor person. Then just shout at your screen.