MIAMI, FL—Many in the media are calling the Trump town hall Thursday a "super spreader" event. They are saying this because they are hacks who hate everything the president does, and also because he made out with every audience member.
Every time he was asked a question, Trump stood up, walked over to the undecided voter, and gave him a long, passionate kiss.
"I love America, and I love you," Trump said in response to a question one voter asked about his pandemic response. "Come over here, you big lovebug. Muah! That's it. Right on the ol' smackers! Give Daddy Trump some sugar!"
Pundits claim Trump is being reckless and potentially spreading COVID, while Trump supporters are saying he's merely sharing his antibodies with everyone.
"Yeah, I'm really sad I couldn't be there," said local Trump voter Chet Keebler. "I tried real hard to get into the town hall and everything, but they said I couldn't bring my AR-15, and that's like, a deal-breaker for me, know what I'm sayin'?"