WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump revealed his new pick for press secretary to a horrified room of reporters Friday: an angry honey badger.
The aggravated little guy will take questions from the press and then leap out from the podium and maul their faces off.
"Is the President racist for calling the coronavirus the Chin---AHHHHHHH!!!" screamed one reporter as the badger cut him off by pouncing onto his head. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Make it stop!"
Another reporter in a fedora then slowly lowered his hand, withdrawing the question he was going to ask.
While members of the press are frightened of the new press secretary, they do say they anticipate less vicious responses than those of former press secretary Kayleigh McEnany. "Now she scared the daylights out of me," said Jim Acosta. "I'll take the honey badger."
On the badger's off days he will be replaced by a swarm of murder hornets.