U.S.—Declaring the problem to be a national emergency, President Donald Trump addressed Congress Friday to ask for funding to build a lengthy border wall along the northern wall of the country to protect against an invading caravan of migrant moose.
"These moose, they come here, they graze on our leaves, steal our pinecones---very dangerous," Trump said in a video posted to his social media accounts. "And how do we sort out the bad apples?" Trump pointed out that we have no way of knowing if some of them aren't actually polar bears dressed up in moose outfits "like those two-person costumes you see on Halloween sometimes."
"How do we know that Canada is sending us their very best? Moose migration is a huge problem left over from the Obama administration. Total disaster!"
Trump also pointed out that the moose posed an environmental concern as they left behind pockets of "yellow snow" across Montana. The moose have caused controversy in the past as a few hundred of them tried to cross the border but were repelled with a tear gas attack by U.S. border patrol agents.
Upon catching wind of Trump's plan, the Canadian moose promised not to cross the border and apologized profusely for any inconvenience several dozen times.