WASHINGTON, D.C.—The tariffs from President Donald Trump’s trade war have remained controversial, with many worrying they could lead to an economic slowdown and lost jobs. At a recent political rally in Iowa, Trump told a group of his supporters that anyone focusing on such things is missing the point of a trade war.
“It’s about having fun,” Trump told the crowd. “Everyone gets hung up on who is going to win and who is going to lose, but the main thing is we should all come together, raise taxes on imported goods, and just have a blast.”
This wasn’t welcome news to the vast majority of economists who say that raising tariffs are a bad idea, but Trump said those people are a “bunch of stuffed shirts” who don’t know how to “let their hair down and have a good time.”
“Back when I was a kid, trade wars were our main source of entertainment,” Trump continued. “But kids these days, they have their… what? Ataris? They need to learn to have some good old fashioned fun. I just raised prices on the European Union by another 1%, and it was thrilling. I hope everyone can feel the excitement.”
Trump told the crowd that it didn’t matter whether ultimately the economy went up or down, as long as they all were together as a team, raising taxes on arbitrary goods. “Maybe the real winner is the friends we make along the way.”
He then held up a red “Make America Great Again” trucker hat and said, “And we should all wear these as our team uniforms—but you better buy them soon since they’re made in China and about to go up in price.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.