Uber Eats Introduces Food Bazooka For Contactless Deliveries

U.S.—In order to deliver meals while maintaining contactless social distancing, Uber Eats has introduced a new long-distance food cannon drivers can use to launch your food hundreds of feet right to your front door.

The food bazooka allows drivers to fire your food right onto your porch while maintaining a safe distance. The tacos, burritos, burgers, pizza, or whatever else you ordered will come flying right at your door with amazing speed and accuracy.

"ENJOY YOUR TACOS!" one driver shouted as he blasted a combo meal at one house at 300 feet per second. He continued driving down the street, not even having to stop as he performed dozens of food drive-bys. "BURGERS! FRIES! STEAK! MILKSHAKE!" he shouted as he blasted food item after food item at the houses he passed.

Not to be outdone, DoorDash will soon be introducing heavy food artillery so they can just blast your meal in the general direction of your house from miles away.

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