MOSCOW, RUSSIA—In a tightly contested bid for a fourth presidential term, Russian president Vladimir Putin narrowly beat opposing candidate Vladimir Putin, reports coming from Moscow indicated early Monday morning.
Triumphant candidate Vladimir Putin humbly accepted the victory as results were released, while losing candidate Vladimir Putin called for the country to unite under Vladimir Putin.
“My opponent fought a tough battle, but we overcame,” Putin said to a cheering crowd. “We thank him for his participation—without legitimate choices in an election, we wouldn’t be a true democracy. The free exchange of ideas and peaceful transfer of power are what make our democracy shine.”
Defeated candidate Vladimir Putin expressed similar sentiments at a rally held next door, several minutes later.
“My opponent fought a tough battle, and we just couldn’t edge him out,” Putin said to a somber crowd. “We thank him for his loyalty and service to this country—without legitimate choices in an election, we wouldn’t be a true democracy. The free exchange of ideas and peaceful transfer of power are what make our democracy shine.”
According to exit polls, one third-party candidate, Vladimir Putin, only garnered some 1.5% of the vote, but may have been enough to throw the election in favor of Vladimir Putin, sources confirmed.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.