MEDINA, WA—The effort to find a vaccine for the coronavirus reached a milestone today after philanthropist Bill Gates unveiled his brand new “Coronavirus Cure v 2.1.13” to the world. It’s now being tested on human beings for the very first time. The first test subject, Ryan Flenderson, is now protected from the coronavirus for all eternity thanks to science and the philanthropic genius Bill Gates.
There is one small side-effect being reported—though experts insist it’s nothing to be concerned about. Within a few hours of receiving the new vaccine from Bill Gates, Ryan began loudly singing the praises of Microsoft’s new Internet Explorer. “Have you seen this browser!?? So beautiful! So elegant! Fast! Secure! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in an internet browser!” he said with a glazed look in his eyes.
Mr. Flenderson’s friends claim Ryan has been an avid Apple fanboy for years. “We want the old Ryan back,” one friend said. “This just isn’t like him. It’s totally weird.”
A quick Bing search has revealed that this side effect is not dangerous or harmful to people in any way. When told about Microsoft’s amazing search engine called Bing, Ryan fainted with joy.
Experts are predicting billions of compulsory Bill Gates vaccines will be available for an eager public by the year 2047. Until then, shelter-in-place orders will remain in effect.
For further updates, check Bing.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.