U.S.—Judge Amy Coney Barrett excused herself from a confirmation hearing strategy session today to answer a call from Pope Francis, who appeared as a blue hologram as he wore a black cloak and spoke in a gravelly, sinister voice.
"What is thy bidding, my master?" Barrett asked after taking off her COVID mask, which made her breathing sound funny. "Shall I jail all the feminists?"
"Do it," the Pope replied. "Wipe them out -- all of them -- and together, you and I shall rule America as Pope and... soccer mom judge lady."
"The Senate won't like that," Barrett replied. "I don't think that's covered in the Constitution."
"I am the Senate," snapped the Pope. "Now, do whatever I say, like a good Catholic!"
"Yes, my master," Barrett replied before putting her mask back on and returning to her meeting.
Barrett and the Pope are also reportedly working on a social justice initiative called "Order 66," where any woman who doesn't have at least seven babies will be shot with a laser rifle.