White House Begins Pinning Talking Points On Biden's Back For Maximum Visibility
Politics

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Many reporters and American citizens are growing frustrated as they can't get a straight answer out of President Joe Biden. When he gives a press conference, he starts spouting nonsense like "Where are my pills" and "When do I get my pudding" and "Help, help, I don't want to do this anymore." And when it's time for questions, staffers just cut off his audio feed or he just wanders away for naptime.

So, to make sure the American people get a handy point-by-point bulletin of all the important talking points Biden was handed by his staffers, the White House is putting a summary of what they told Biden to say on his back.

"This way, everybody can see all the important points," said White House staffer Xen Wallaby, she/her. "Now people can't complain that Biden 'turns his back on reporters' or 'doesn't answer any questions' or 'is a senile old man who doesn't know what he's talking about and should have retired decades ago.' OK, well it doesn't really address that last one. But still."

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