TOLEDO, OH—Local wife and mother of three Linda Mankin helpfully took a deep breath, braced herself against the dashboard, and screamed at the top of her lungs as the car just five miles ahead of them on the freeway applied some slight pressure to the breaks, sources confirmed Monday.
"Honey -- look out!!!!" she shouted as the car over four exits ahead slowed down from 65 to 62. "We're gonna craaaaaaaash!!!"
Mankin then frantically unlocked the door, jumped out, and rolled down the highway, narrowly saving herself from certain death, as her husband surely would have run into the car and not managed to brake in time, since he was just under the recommended 1,760 car lengths between him and the car in front of him.
"That was a close one," she said later as she put her thumb out to hitchhike and catch up to her husband. "Sometimes, Jacob just doesn't pay attention. He's really lucky to have me riding in the passenger seat, ready to point out when there is even the slightest bit of slowing in traffic anywhere within a thousand miles of us."
"I don't know what he'd do without me."