SANDUSKY, CO—Steve and Leslie Hendrickson were having movie night last week but the experience was diminished by Leslie's constant question-asking, reports Steve.
"I don't think she realizes that every question she asks is literally going to be answered by the movie if she just watches it," Steve recalled. "Like, that's what stories do. They present questions, then the story answers those questions as the plot progresses. I thought people knew this."
During the 115 minute movie, Leslie asked a total of over 437 questions, Steve claims. That's nearly four questions a minute.
"Oh my gosh, what is that dart stuck in that tree, is that poisonous? I wonder who left it there?"
"Can he trust these guys he's going into the temple with? They seem like they are up to no good."
"Oh no, how is Harrison Ford going to get out of the cave now?"
"What happens if he takes that treasure, something bad? How is he going to get it off of there?"
"Is that big rock going to smoosh him?"
Experts say that the issue of wives not understanding that movies answer most questions by the end of the movie has been a problem for men since movies were invented. "What we need is better education," said Harold Oliver of Trenton University. "Women need to learn from a young age how stories work. And how talking during movies is annoying."
Steve says that, despite the constant questions during movies, he loves his wife and has found a solution that works for both of them. "I've just decided to only watch stupid movies I don't care about with her," Steve said. "Things are going great."
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Leslie was forced to shush Steve several times during their marathon viewing of Gilmore Girls.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.