PODUNKSVILLE, GA—According to sources, local wife Kristi Boren has something very obscure and specific that she wants for Christmas, but she also wants her husband to think of it all on his own.
"This gift would be tangible evidence of my husband's deep love and appreciation for me," said Boren. "If he buys me this very specific gift that I've always wanted but never told him about, it will be proof that he really 'gets me' and has been paying attention this whole year!"
Sources say Mrs. Boren has been leaving behind subtle clues since January, like dog-earing a page in a catalog one time, or thinking about it really hard and then looking into his eyes to transfer her wish through the air into his brain.
Asked for comment, Boren's husband said, "Christmas? Is that coming up?"
Mrs. Boren has decided to go ahead and put her desired gift in her Amazon cart, and will just tell her husband to click "buy" and be done with it.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.