BUFFALO GROVE, IL—Uttering a mystical incantation that summoned the power of Moses from on high, worship leader Tommy “Hilfiger” Jackson utilized the supernatural force to achieve a perfect side-part, low-fade hairstyle, sources confirmed Tuesday.
“O Great Moses, descend upon me now and grant me the power of the part,” Jackson intoned as candles flickered eerily around him in his master bathroom during his third hour of prepping for service Sunday morning. “As you once parted the Red Sea and saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, so now I call upon you once more to save me from looking scrubby while leading people before God’s throne.”
After invoking the ancient Mosaic power, Jackson reportedly raised his comb aloft and brought it down with great force into his unkempt hair, causing the sea of locks to part exactly where he wanted, without a stray hair in sight.
At publishing time, Jackson had used what was left over of the mystic force to part traffic so that he would arrive at worship practice on time.
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