MEADOWSVILLE, NY—According to the leadership team at Meadows Gathering Church, what was thought to be a sign of great grief and anguish over sin by worship leader Matthew Paxton turned out to be nothing more than a new, deep-cut V-neck purchased at Abercrombie & Fitch.
“We thought he had rent his garment in anguish over personal sin and affliction. And it totally looked like he had sprinkled dust and ashes upon his head—but perhaps he just hasn’t showered in a while,” one elder told reporters.
Leaders called Paxton in for a meeting after service, so they could pray over him and see what resources the church could offer to help him begin the healing process from whatever sin, blasphemy, apostasy, or time of affliction he found himself mired in. But as it turned out, it was nothing more than a stylish cotton V-neck that plunged seductively down toward his navel.
“We were happy to find out that Paxton wasn’t grieving or repenting over some great blasphemy,” the elder said. “The deep V-neck is just business as usual for the man who leads our people before the throne of God each Sunday. What a relief!”
At publishing time, Paxton had borrowed a pair of scissors from the fifth-grade Sunday School teacher so he could modify the V-neck to show a little more skin, for the sake of authenticity and transparency.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.