GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Zondervan has released a hollow Bible for politicians who want to use the Word of God as a political prop.
The Bibles are designed to look authentic and holy from the outside but are completely empty on the inside, just like most politicians' faith. They are much lighter than an actual Bible, making them easy to pick up and reducing the risk of strains. They can also be used to hold secret things like notes from your crush or alcohol.
An additional benefit of the Bible is that politicians won't risk opening it and having their lives changed. "No longer do politicians have to worry about third-degree burns or accidentally encountering God's life-changing truth," said a Zondervan rep. "Now, they can use the Bible when it's needed without all the pesky salvation and sanctification."
President Trump immediately ordered a crate of the Bibles, saying he plans on putting a tiny pistol in each one to show his support for the Second Amendment and the Bible at the same time. Nancy Pelosi ordered some as well, stocking each one with a full flask of vodka.